About Me

 

 The greatest thing we can do is to show up for our lives and not be ashamed.

 -Anne Lamott

 

I'm a creature of the word, learning to tell my honest story.

I offer it here because telling stories is the road back home.

Motherhood is not a biological designation
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Wednesday
May292013

I'm going to stop blogging for awhile

I've decided to take a break from blogging.  

This is really hard for me to say because I find such a sense of purpose in writing for a public audience. 

It scares the hell out of me most of the time, but I do it anyway, because it also teaches me how to live. It teaches me how to be vulnerable, how to talk about my mess without any guarantee that people will give me the benefit of the doubt, or extend grace to all my broken places, or believe the best in me even when I annoy them, or when I come across like a hypocrite, or sound whiny, or reveal too much, or whatever it is.  

It teaches me that if I am afraid of those things, maybe other people are too, and maybe I could be someone who does extend grace, who does believe the best in people, who does welcome weakness and the messy parts with open arms.   

It reminds me of what I value: to offer trust before it's earned, to live as though everything is grace (because it is), to walk in the light, to boast in weakness, to share stories, to live in community, to be on a journey of becoming fully alive, to put love first.


I love this quotation by St. Augustine, "Our whole business therefore in this life is to restore to health the eye of the heart whereby God may be seen."

Writing restores health to the eye of my heart.  

But I think my eye has gotten a little cloudy, and I need a retreat to grow and to clear my vision.

I try to see myself clearly when I write; I try to avoid image management, to not write out of my ego place; I try to tell the truth and tell it plainly.

But it's easy to start something for the right reasons and then have those reasons morph into something else.  

Image management is like a cultural juggernaut.  It's so easy to be swept into the flow, curating our lives for Twitter and Instagram and Facebook and blogs. We start to market ourselves and our lives as products.  I feel the pull of this flow, and I take an intentional stand against it by choosing, despite the fear, to let myself be known with all my cracks and disparate parts.  

I do this in my real life and I do it in my blogging.   

But I feel the need to take a step back and be quiet. I want to see what it's like for me to write in anonymity.  

 

I can still engage in living vulnerably even if I'm not publicly writing about it.

I am also working on writing a book, and I need my heart's eye to work so I can do this well.  

But I am afraid of the isolation and the loneliness, so if it ever occurs to you to drop me a line and say hi, it would mean a lot.  

Thank you to all of you who have cared enough to read what I write, and who have walked this journey with me.

It's not like the journey's over, I'm just needing to take a new fork in the road.  I do really long to write a book, many books, and I think this risky step (which feels like a step backwards) is really a necessary part of the journey forwards.

I leave you with some pictures I took of buffalo in South Dakota.

  

The buffalo is my spirit animal.

I don't know what this means, but I say it anyway because it just seems true.

There are two necklaces I've been wearing since I started writing my book: one is a buffalo and a bell strung together on a tiny silver chain, and one is a widow's mite. The widow's mite is to remind me to always give everything I have to whatever I am investing in, to hold nothing back, even when it hurts. That my little part makes a difference.

The buffalo and the bell just make me feel safe and happy and grounded, like a child.  I rub my little buffalo all the time, let my fingers move over the grooves in the metal, and I say to myself what Julian of Norwich said back in the 14th century, "All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well."

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Reader Comments (6)

I'll drop you a line, now and then.


I'm honored to share "my" buffalo with you. I think we like them because they have attitude and, most of the time, look like they forgot to comb their hair. No mirrors, no vanity in buffalo land.

And 'cause the mamas take off and start walking, right when the babies are butting up for more milk.

Buffalos take no crap. They just make it.

May 29, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKathryn

I'm going to miss you- I think your posts are moving and inspiring and I've just started following you so I don't miss a post. On the other hand, it is true that brand building is a part of book writing these days, and it can feel disconnecting, cheap, sometimes counter productive to the point of what you do, and at the very minimum, annoying sometimes. I think I understand.

May 29, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterlesnla

Hey girl! I will miss you, but I get it. Sometimes part of the journey means taking a step back to make sure we are on the same road we started out on. You are staying true to yourself by stopping to confirm the authenticity, and I commend you for that. God bless you, your book, and your journey. I'll keep you in prayer and will definitely drop you a line or give you a call!

June 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterOlivia

Thank you new and old friends, for your encouraging comments. Thank you for reading, and for maybe sticking with me even when I am silent and taking a step back. I am so grateful for your community.

Love,
Trinity

June 5, 2013 | Registered CommenterTrinity Wilbourn

I will miss your posts, friend. I have always enjoyed your writing, and I'm glad to hear you're still focusing on it (even if off-line for awhile). Miss you guys!!

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMandy

I check often to see if you're back yet. :) Hope you're doing well.

September 17, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJessica

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