Barn Burning: burn it all up before you burn out
Monday, November 7, 2011 at 10:44AM
Our family is safe.
We have a temporary place to live that is fully furnished.
We have "God with skin on" in the overwhelming outpouring of support from our community.
I wrote this blog back in early September and am reposting it now because it seems supremely ironic, and yet more true than ever, in the light of the present circumstances...
Barn's burnt down-
taken from augustgoforth.blogspot.com
Sometimes I wonder if we're just full of discontent, if we don't know how to be grateful, if we can't Grow Where We Are Planted, if we are too focused on ourselves, if we are making life too hard.
If we have some unquenchable wanderlust, which is fine when you are newly married or still single, but is inexcusable when you have a family.
I've said before that maybe we don't need to go on an epic journey to find our place- maybe we just need to trust God.
But I don't think the two choices; staying put or going on the epic journey, are pitted against each other.
I keep coming back to a both/and concept.
I think there are seasons for staying put, and practicing the discipline of gratitude.
But I also think there are seasons to uproot.
Not for the sake of adventure in and of itself, but as a necessary response to an inventory we should always be engaged in--
asking ourselves, am I fully alive?
Sometimes the answer to that is No, and so let's seek God more right we are;
sometimes the answer is No, and we need to be willing to do whatever it takes to seek Him fully.
Our family had stopped asking the hard questions because life got too busy and we got too distracted.
It was easier to live in "business as usual" mode.
I think this is what God calls lukewarm.
So God, in his great grace, forced some action on our part,
by lighting a fire under our barn.
We realized we were neither living fully alive in our current place, nor were we really wanting to go through the turmoil of uprooting and figuring out how to truly live fully alive again.
But once our barn started burning, we had to ask the tough questions:
Am I part of an authentic community?
Who really knows me? Who asks the hard questions?
Do I have soul-nurturing relationships?
Does my life look like I really believe God wants the best for me and that I trust him?
Do I even truly believe he loves me?
How am I making a difference in this world?
Am I settling? Am I complacent?
What am I spending my efforts building?
What am I doing that matters in the long run???
One of my favorite quotations hangs (used to hang) in my guest bathroom- as a deep thoughts while on the potty ploy to change the lives of my guests while they least expected it.
There is a time for sitting and watching the stars- for the contentment of silence and stillness, and staying put.
There is a time for gestation, for bringing forth new life through introspection and waiting.
And there IS A TIME to make the journey across the desert- to wander away in search of your soul.
There is a time to drastically do whatever it takes to shake off the apathy and find your pulse again.
If your barn is rotting.
Burn it DOWN.
(sometimes writing off the gnawing feeling that something is wrong with a spiritual platitude is actually fear of having to face change, and NOT true contentment)
Our journey is not about us trying to find a utopia wherein to raise our kids.
It's not about chronic discontentment.
It's not about an epic struggle to prove our life means something through making it as difficult as possible.
The barn of our lives was full of rot.
We were not living fully alive.
We had no pulse.
we are meant to live a great adventure.
We are meant to take God at his word, risk all in faith that he will lead us through deserts and let us rest beside still waters- there are seasons for both places.
This past year has caused us to redefine everything that matters- our concept of God.
Our concept of family.
Our concept of community.
Our concept of what it means to live fully alive.
I don't think it's selfish.
I think it's necessary.
Because if we profess to know God and to experience his love, but we live disconnected and distracted, burnt out and pulse-less, we are salt that has lost its saltiness.
We are good for nothing except to be thrown out and trampled upon.
We do nothing for the cause of Christ.
We say nothing about the truth of His love and his freedom.
Because we aren't experiencing it!
Bahhh!!
this is like my life message- the one note I have to play over and over and over again- Christians who are not free are the worst kind of prisoner there is.
We are meant for freedom, and if we don't work to find it in Jesus, we will find it elsewhere and be destroyed by the counterfeit, or we will slowly die on the inside.
I've tried both other options now:
I walked away from everything I thought I believed, traded it in for freedom the way this culture defines it, and made myself miserable.
And I've come back to Jesus, tried to live a good life, and woke up one day to the barn of my life falling down around my ears.
So yeah, we are relentlessly searching.
And I don't apologize for it.
I don't want to waste anymore time living marginally and waiting for something outside of me to change so that I can be less busy, less burnt out, more connected to the source of life, more peaceful, more content.
When God plants me where I'm supposed to be, I pray to practice contentment and gratitude.
Until then, I will seek to find.
I will knock till the door opens.
I will ask till the questions are answered.
The journey will look different for everyone, and maybe the questions can be asked and then redefined while you stay right where you are, but in my experience, it's really hard to ask new questions while you sit in old places looking out at the same old views.
Why are we so afraid to burn it all down?
It's all gonna burn anyhow.
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Reader Comments (10)
Wow. Every cell in my body needed this message today. My barn is burning (with several small children inside), my heart is aching, and all I care about is whether I am asking the right questions. I don't want to waste energy asking the wrong ones. And after reading your post, I had an epiphany. The only important question is, "Okay, Lord, what next?"
"Why are we so afraid to burn it all down? It's all gonna burn anyhow." This is so true.
"But once our barn started burning, we had to ask the tough questions:
Am I part of an authentic community?
Who really knows me? Who asks the hard questions?
Do I have soul-nurturing relationships?
Does my life look like I really believe God wants the best for me and that I trust him?
Do I even truly believe he loves me?
How am I making a difference in this world?
Am I settling? Am I complacent?
What am I spending my efforts building?
What am I doing that matters in the long run???"
So profound tonight, huh? I hope you have found good answers to those questions! I love you...
Trinity, I went back and re-read this last night. We are so prone to think of life linearly, and yet it is so obvious now that God saw ahead and prepared your hearts for what was coming. That makes this less ironic than providential. He really is good, all the time. I love you, friend!
Wow! What a blessing your words are in the midst of loss. It is evident that you truly know what matters and what has eternal value. We need to hold loosely to the things of earth and you are a great example of one who can do that even as you are about to give birth. Praying God's best for you and your family!
What do you need? I'm not sure if you remember me and the couple days we spent while our moms were at CM Convention but I'd love to share with my community specific needs that you have so we can help you. Mom said you are expecting again soon? Will you email me some contact info directly?
ang.england at yahoo dot com
A friend sent this to me because my family of 5, with a 10 day old in my arms, in April 2011 lost our home and all it's things inside as well. I know that you will come through this event stronger, clearer, dedicated, and filled with gratitude...as I have. My favorite quote, that has gotten me though the past 7 months with grace, is" "It's only when you loose everything, that you can do anything!" For me my home was my heart...and I can see now that it is a true reflection of my life. As we have rebuilt the foundation...the same has happened within me. As the structure was rebuilt...the same has happened within me. Tomorrow I am picking out all the new fixtures for the new home...and in my heart I have done the same. It was like I was shattered, but solid, and could pick up the pieces I wanted to keep...and leave the one's that no longer served my highest potential. I send you an abundance of love, community support, and grace to keep you focused on what really matters....that everyone got out safely. Sorry to hear about buddy. You hero, I'm sure.
Trina, I don't know you, but I admire you so! Being that Bree is a dear, dear friend of mine, I feel as though you are family. I'm trying to rally my troops to get you some extra cash flow in these hard times. I know you are reslient. Just know that my thoughts are with you and your family, and your beloved Buddy. xoxo, Lauren
Love you so much, friend. What a gracious God He is who gave you this metaphor and this hunger before He gave you the reality. I know you wouldn't have asked for it to look like this, but... He knew. And He knows now.
I just found your blog and am devasated for your family, for your lose! God is good and faithful, and He is using you as a great example/testimony through this! I am excited to be your newest follwer and will be praying for you!!
-Amy